The Elevator Problem



            So you’re riding on an elevator. You have just come from a great night out at a classy event. You’re with family- your gorgeous wife and your sister-in-law, who you have seemingly had a great relationship with, as far as anyone knows when… suddenly… your sister-in-law starts beating the crap out of you. Someone tries to stop her, but she keeps going at you. They even press the emergency stop button on the elevator, but this doesn’t stop her. Finally, you get out of the elevator, and she tries to go at you one last time. Sound familiar?

Being someone who constantly pays attention to celebrities and their every move, I have been quite intrigued on a particular story that has come to light this week. Headlines have been swarming with the news that Beyonce’s sister, Solange, attacked Beyonce’s husband Jay Z in an elevator after the Met Gala. The video footage depicted a rather violent and relentless Solange, who refused to stop attacking Jay even when held back, when an emergency button on the elevator was pressed, and when finally exiting the elevator. What does this have to do with relationships, you may wonder? It falls into something I will now, appropriately, refer to as the “elevator problem.”

The elevator problem, as I’m going to refer to it, is when family members try to intervene in your relationship, which creates a dangerous elevator of ups and downs. This is clearly what happened in this scenario. How do I know this? Think about it. Beyonce did not try once to stop her sister from attacking her husband, so Solange clearly must have been attacking him related to something between him and Beyonce. 

When in a relationship, it is always tempting to vent about problems you are having to family and friends. We typically do this as we are seeking advice about how to proceed or what courses of action we should take; however, sometimes our sharing backfires on us, particularly when we involve family. Family is, generally, there to protect us. They’ve known us the longest and typically have our best interests at heart. When they hear of an issue we are having in our relationship, they tend to take our side. If the issue is bad enough- be it cheating, abuse, or something of the like- they tend to go into attack mode, as Solange did to Jay Z. I’m not necessarily saying that Beyonce told Solange Jay cheated on her, abused her, or anything of that nature, but something happened to incite Solange enough to attack Beyonce’s husband.

We need to be careful when bringing family members into our relationship drama to avoid the elevator problem. The ideal situation is that our family likes our significant other and gets along with them. When involving family in our problems, though, the elevator problem begins. Suddenly, our family members go up and down in regards to their feelings about our significant other, which in turn can end up putting more pressure on our relationship.

From birth, we want approval from our parents, family, and friends. It’s in our nature. When we share too much information, and in turn begin the elevator problem, it gets more difficult to get that approval for our significant other than it would be if we hadn’t shared information in the first place.

The lesson to be learned here is not to never share when something is not right. It may be not to over share, or if you do, be careful not to enter into an elevator.